...so it has come to this. Our summer long trip through the Dragon Ball movies has finally brought us to here, the live action movies. Well, let's get this over with as we look at the Dragon Ball Live-Action Trilogy.
So the normal stuff applies as always. This is my opinion, your opinion is just as valid, and I use my own terminology that mixes dub and original names. Also, the first two films were watched without English subs, so sorry if I got things wrong. Well, let's get this over with...
FIGHT, SON GOKU! WIN, SON GOKU!
We start of our Korean film with Korean children singing as Goku, with hair not quite as pointy as normal, hunts for a fish. Then Bulma tries to shoot Goku. Then Goku and Bulma meet Roshi. Then they stop Oolong from terrorizing a village and recruit him. Then they meet Yamcha. ...in case you can't tell yet, this movie is VERY faithful to the original Pilaf saga in the original source material. The main difference, beside character and item designs, is the inclusion of Murasaki in Saiyan armor as Pilaf's henchman, and a final showdown at the end where Goku and Oolong (Yes, Oolong. Seriously.) end Pilaf with a dual Kamehameha. Yeah, the Pilaf gang all die in this. Also, apparently Nappa shows up post credits or something, but the version I had cut out the credits so I don't know. Well, onto the analysis.
This movie is VERY faithful to the original... despite clearly not having the budget or means to reproduce the original's world in live action. Everything is cheap, hilarious, and a lot of cheesy fun for Dragon Ball fans. Honestly, while this movie is quite terrible, you should check it out if you love Dragon Ball. Gather a few friends around and get ready for a lot of laughs.
THE MAGIC BEGINS/ NEW LEGEND OF SHEN LONG
The Chinese film starts in a nice Chinese village where monks are praying. Then alien space ships attack! ...odd. According to Kanzenshuu the villain is supposed to be Gyumao AKA Ox King, though I've also seen him labeled as Gurumes after the Blood Rubies' villain, but I'm calling him Blue Guy! Anyways, while Blue Guy begins his search for the Dragon Balls, Goku and Gohan are training. Gohan has hair and glasses, and Goku has a bowl cut. ...not my choices, but whatever. So Goku runs off to get shot at by Bulma, while Gohan is attacked by Blue Guys men, who apparently kidnap him. Well, Goku and Bulma head out to avenge Gohan's not death, and save the Dragon Balls. Oh, and then racially insensitive Oolong is chasing some girl. She's supposed to be Pansy, so I'll call her Pansy. Well, Oolong is revealed to be some fat middle aged guy, and western Yamcha and bird Puar attack! ...this suddenly got awesome. Well, Yamcha goes into his Ambiguously Gay Duo cosplay for the rest of the film, and then the movie goes full cgi for a bit. No idea why. Well, Goku beats Yamcha and Yamcha runs off when he sees Bulma. Then they meet Roshi, the same events as the original movie happen, and eventually we get to the climax. Oolong goes into his Rambo cosplay, and the heroes, even Roshi, all storm the bad guys base. All seems lost as Blue Guy sticks the zombie villagers on our heroes, when Goku knocks the bad guy away, breaking the spell. ...I think. Well, turns out Gohan is alive, and Blue Guy is defeated when Roshi, Gohan, and Goku push the final Dragon Ball into Blue Guy's mouth, causing him to explode as the Dragon is brought forth. Pansy wishes for her people to be brought back to life, Gohan is ALIVE, and the movie ends with Goku and Yamcha beginning to fight, turning back into cgi for some reason.
This film... yeah, it sucks. It's technically better than the Korean film, but it's not nearly as entertaining. It has it's so bad it's good moments, but most of it is just boring. Check it out if you want to see an interesting take on Dragon Ball, but be warned that you may be bored to sleep. ...well, time for the big one...
DRAGONBALL EVOLUTION
Our crap...I mean movie... begins with some narration talking about the horrors of Piccolo that plagued the Earth so long ago. Not bad, so far. Maybe this... oh, crap. ...then they talk about his sidekick, a guy called Oozaru. ...yep, this is the darkest timeline. We are then introduced to Goku. He's a teenager that's bullied for being different, wants to be popular, and has a crush on the popular girl in school Chi-Chi! ...so, you know: not Goku at all. Which is why I shall henceforth be referring to him as Geeko. So Geeko is training with Gohan, and we're shown that Geeko is having trouble mastering Ki. Also, he wishes he was normal. ...anger rising... Well, Geeko goes to school where he's bullied, creepily fantasizes about Chi-Chi, and then makes a fool of himself when talking to her. Somehow this doofus gets invited to her party, and Geeko ditches his Grandpa so that he can attend. Well, Piccolo kills Gohan searching for the Dragon Ball, and Geeko returns to see his Grandpa dead. ...and to get shot at by Bulma. Well, Geeko and Bulma head off to find Roshi, who's some kind of hoarder in this reality. After recruiting Roshi and having a traveling montage, our heroes fall into a pit created by the nefarious... Yamcha. In this reality he's not even a fighter, just a bandit, making him more useless than canon Yamcha. ...and that's saying something! Well, Yamcha's recruited, we get a crappy action sequence, and then Geeko is tricked out of all of his Dragon Balls, leaving Piccolo with all 7. ...oops. Well, our heroes head off to stop Piccolo at some odd Dragon Ball temple thing, and Geeko puts on his crappy Goku cosply. ...dude, you got the color wrong! Goku wears orange, not yellow! Well, turns out that Geeko is actually Oozaru reborn as a human! ...why?! That's the stupidest... and why 18 years before if Piccolo was trapped for 2,000 years?! THIS MAKES NO GOSH DANG SENSE! ...sorry, I started ranting. Well, Roshi is killed, Geeko goes weremonkey for a bit then gets better, Yamcha saves the day, proving these morons never saw a single episode of Dragon Ball, and Piccolo disappears in a lame beam struggle. Roshi is brought back to life by the crappy cgi dragon, and the mid credits sequence shows Piccolo is still alive. Whatever, we are finished!
Dear Dende, this movie is atrocious! I have no hard feelings to the cast who all did as decently as they could, or the original writer who apologized for this movie (Even though his script, while still not very Dragon Ball, was better than this garbage.). All of my hate for this movie lies in the finished product, and those behind the scenes that decided that they could tell a better, more popular story than Toriyama. Someone once told me that if you look at this movie away from the license that it isn't terrible. That is true, there are worse movies. But you CAN'T remove the Dragon Ball licence. This isn't a movie that they were writing and threw the Dragon Ball name on for a quick buck. No, this was built from the ground up as a Dragon Ball film, written by someone who has admitted to not being a fan of the work to begin with, and further butchered by hacks who felt they could improve a flawed script by adding crappy cliches and childish morals. My biggest problem with this film isn't the way it strays from the source material, it isn't the fact that no one looks right, and it isn't even that the setting is all wrong. My biggest problem is a simple one: Goku. Goku's character isn't just wrong, it's backwards. The simple way they decided to have Goku proves to me that no one behind the scenes understood or even cared about Dragon Ball. This was a cash grab for them, plain and simple, and the final product shows. This movie is easily, and obviously, the worst "Dragon Ball" movie out of the 22 live action and animated that I've seen.
FINAL THOUGHTS
I have heard often that Dragon Ball wouldn't work in live-action. ...these movies don't do much to prove them wrong. While I enjoyed the Korean film as so bad it's good, all three of these movies are bad in their own way. However, despite these movies being bad, I do feel that Dragon Ball CAN work in Live-Action. Things would have to change, obviously, and it wouldn't be as good as the original manga or anime3, but I honeslty believe that the story is strong enough to survive the adaptaion IF done correctly. Start at the Z era to avoid the more troublesome to reproduce characters, work with Toriyama to get a good sense of characters, and ramp up and double down on the action to bring in the audiences. I don't think it'll ever happen again, but it could work.
So I have finally finished reviewing 22 Dragon Ball films this summer. I still plan on releasing a post where I discuss my thoughts and rank the movies but first let's have some fun. In a month or so we're getting a new Dragon Ball T.V. special, so let's review the previous specials first! Next time we begin our look at the Dragon Ball specials with what I call the T.V. Trilogy!
I am The R2 Dude, and this is The R2 View!
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